im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
