also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
