i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
