Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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