SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize