just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
