Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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