I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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