He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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