When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
