i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
