Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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