This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
