I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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