Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
a search helicopter?!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
