That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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