i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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