she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
