dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
