God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
