I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
