Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
