Cold hands, warm shart.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize