cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
