Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize