I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
