used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
