I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
