We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
