At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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