I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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