Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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