I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
