my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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