Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
