Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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