I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I checked into jail on foursquare
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
