....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Still dying that you shit outside
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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