Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
