He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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