Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
they're like a gay fantastic four
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
