but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
