Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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