can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
