we made out on top of his cat.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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