Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
