im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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