I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
