Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
