Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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