could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
