is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize