I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
