Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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