Whod you bang
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
