whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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