how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize