Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
