We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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