weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
