literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
