i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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