i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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