More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
no, he came in my armpit
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
