she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
