Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
