We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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