He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
