He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just want nice things and good sex
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
