yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
