Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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