I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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