I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
