My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
