will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize