i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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