He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
