just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
