Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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