She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
