My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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